Not here. Not Now.

The words that have got me heading to Glasgow

Early this year, soon after my Stage 4 diagnosis, I read Sir Chris Hoy’s book, All That Matters.

There are two things in particular that have stuck with me throughout this crazy ride. One was the fact that a gold medal-winning Olympic athlete, who is super fit and healthy, has been diagnosed with cancer, showing the complete randomness of it all, and the other is his, and his wife Sarra’s message of: ‘Not here, not now.’ When you're told you've got stage four cancer, your mind spirals and can go to the worst of places. This mantra, which I believe the Hoys have stuck on their fridge, is a reminder to try to make the most of the present moment rather than imagining what might happen in the future. The words were, and still are, really powerful for me.

Go Grab Life © Juliet Simmons

So when I heard that Sir Chris was organising the Tour de 4 charity bike ride this September, to raise awareness of what living with Stage 4 cancer can look like and to raise £1million (now hopefully £2 million) for cancer charities, I wanted to try to take part. Admittedly, I am riding a static bike in the velodrome but I will be there. And for me that is a big win.

I am supporting Future Dreams, one of the UK’s only dedicated breast cancer support centres, based in Kings Cross, where I have been supported by wonderful professionals who have helped me navigate my treatment and where I have found a wonderful, kind community. And Future Dreams also fund research into secondary breast cancer. Over 11,500 people die of breast cancer in the UK every year so want to play a tiny part in helping to fund the science that could bring that number down.

I always thought that cancer was something that happened to other people, I never imagined that it would happen to me and I certainly never imagined that the cancer would return and spread. But it did and it has. The truth is that cancer can come for anyone. If Olympic athletes can get it then why not me too?

31 women die from metastatic secondary breast cancer in the UK every day. Nearly 57,000 people are diagnosed with breast cancer each year and 1 in 7 women will receive a diagnosis in their lifetime. Those are significant numbers. So here is my advice:

• If you get called for a screening, go for it: I didn't have any symptoms when I went for mine so please go even if you feel well. It could save your life.

• Know your normal. Check yourself and if there's anything that doesn't feel normal or look normal, go to the doctor. You’re not wasting anyone's time.

• It’s better to go and find out that there's nothing wrong with you than to leave it. The longer you leave it, the worse your outcome might be.

That said, you can do all of that and you can still get cancer. So, if you are diagnosed, also remember that it's not your fault. Nobody knows why people get any kind of cancer. If there were clear-cut answers, then everyone would be cured..

I may have Stage 4 cancer and, yes, my life has its difficult times but I also can, and do, look for glimmers of joy every day. I find them even, perhaps especially, when things are challenging. One day I might see a rainbow, another someone might say hello in the street, or I might just go out for a morning walk. Living with cancer makes you look at the world differently, it makes you realise that those small things that you once took for granted really are the big things after all.

On Sunday 7^th September the Tour de 4 will be a day full of glimmers and friendship. It will celebrate that even though as Stage 4 cancer patients we live lives filled with uncertainty and scans, lives where we are never quite sure what the future might hold, we also live lives where we are part of wonderful communities, lives where we can set and achieve challenges, lives which we can truly live. I hope there will be many more of those days in my future and I intend to keep looking for them. I have Stage 4 cancer but I also have hope - hope in science and hope that “not here, not now” will continue to be my mantra for a quite some time to come.

I have been blown away by people’s kindness and generosity. Every heart emoji, like and every penny makes a difference to me and to Future Dreams. Thank you for all of it - it’s left me feeling very humbled and very loved. If you haven’t donated and would still like to buy me a coffee (and please don’t feel that you have to) then you can donate at My Tour De 4 Fundraiser to support Future Dreams . I will have you all in my pocket for all the time that I am in Glasgow (and beyond).